Tuesday, July 17, 2001

Sorry about how it kinda looks..looks retarded but I have two blogs and I guess I decided to keep one of them private..maybe some stuff for my eyes only..heh...well this is for anyone's eyes..so yea..read on..I kinda copied n pasted wut i thot I felt comfortable tellin the world..or actually..to whoever reads this..which is probably no one anyway..heh..o well its sumthin to keep me busy..im in comp sci right now n we jus took a hard ass test..i dont even understand how all those programs related to a while loop...o well im not a smartie...
Tuesday, July 17, 2001
Linkin' Park - In The End
It starts with
one thing/i dontknow why
it doesnt even matter how hard you try
keep that in mind/i designed this rhyme
to explain in due time
All i know
time is a valuable thing
watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
its so unreal
didn't look out below
watch the time go right out the window
trying to hold on /but didnt even know
wasted it all just to
watch it go
i kept everything inside and even though i tried/it all fell apart
what it meant to me will evetually/ be a memory/of a time when

I tried so hard
and got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
to lose it all
But in the end
it doesn't even matter


One thing/i don't know why
Doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind i designed this rhyme
To remind myself How
I tried so hard
in spite of the way you were mocking me
actin like i was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with/ me/I'm surprised
it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
you wouldn't even reconize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though i tried/it all fell apart
What it meant to me/will eventually/be a memory/of a time when i


Tried so hard
and got so far
but in the end
It doesnt even matter
i had to fall
to lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter


I put my trust in you
pushed as far as i can go
For all this
theres only one thing you should know
I put my trust in you
pushed as far as i can go
For all this
theres only one thing you should know


I tried so hard
and got so far
but in the end
it doesn't even matter
i had to fall to lose it all
But in the end it doesn't even matter
________________________________________
hmm...so true huh...if everythings gonna end eventually...why put so much effort into it..its gonna end anyway...there is no forever..wut is forever? until u die? but wen u die wut happens to all that effort..gone to waste..it doesnt matter...it really doesnt..u try hard at something n in one second it can collapse before ur eyes..n wut do u do...u can only sit n think of how stupid u r to waste ur time on something that u knew wasnt gonna last anyway.
AziANBoy 8 : u havta take care of urself
AziANBoy 8 : no one else is gonna take care of u if u dont take care of urself?
AziANBoy 8 : who do u think wants to take a shitload of burdens upon themself.......?
AziANBoy 8 : people will always be here for u to talk.... and give u support.... give u a lil extra boost
AziANBoy 8 : but in the end.... wen it all comes down to it...... everyone is pretty much alone.....
AziANBoy 8 : and thats where we gotta take care of ourselves
so we r alone in the world...

posted by LiL PiXy at 10:14 AM

"All teens believe, if only because we must, that love can be found. Some of us - maybe most of us - have discovered it can also be lost. and maybe thats why people ignore teen love because it rarely lasts. but teen love is very real. And powerful. Perhaps at no other time in our whole entire lives are the joys and pains felt as strongly, or experienced more deeply. Who among us, after all, can ever forget our first love? I can't, and u know how theres always this little tiny pinch of hope even though the way u feel about whoever isn't platonic? mines gone, and its torture. you hear nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, except the beating of ur heart and the throbbing of ur fucking brain as you die to everything. ur life becomes this sick cycle of needing to see her just to feel alive again... even for a moment... how can i feel this strongly about anyone if it wasnt love?" Wow..I just read that in Jeff's profile..so trueeeeeeeeeeeee....*sigh* thanks Jeff! heh =) ..wow..seriously tho...exactly wut im thinkin for now...well not the "her" part...but u kno wut i mean...*sigh*..............................................................
posted by LiL PiXy at 9:02 PM



Hmm..just finished dinner and Kevz on..but he's away from the computer..wonder wut hez doing...o well...not like he'd ever wonder wut i was doing anyway...bye..
posted by LiL PiXy at 8:58 PM

Monday, July 16, 2001

Hey everyone! This is the start of my blog..oOoOo aren't I speshal. Well its finally summer, but not quite yet. It doesn't even feel summer, except for the hot hot hot hot weather. =S School is such a drag...but for now, I kinda like Mondays...its the day where i get to come back from summer school and jus sit..n do nothing. Well today, I did absolutely nothing. Yesterday night, Kev n I got into a fight..everything I say to him is "stupid". Maybe I am "stupid". *SiGh* I wish I could just leave..but I cant. Its kinda weird n unexplainable..I guess it just doesnt work like that..but for him..it doesnt matter..he can leave me wenever he wants n he wont b affected by it whatsoever. He jus broke up with me..o well...he always does and we end up getting back together again..well not really together..cuz we werent really "together" before anyway. I hope I really don't give in this time and maybe I can leave him for good. But I doubt that will happen...*sigh* why do girls always need guys more than they need us..that really sucks for us..o well..hopefully i'll find Mr. Right soon.. I played a bit of MO today...didn't really buy anything....I'm stuck in the Mercado del Dos Palmas..can't seem to find my way outta there...there's not even a map..its like a huge maze...I don't even kno how i got in..it was quite hard to get in...but somehow i managed to n now i cant get out. today i was supposed to go take taebo with sara n jenn..but i found out that the place i used to take it at a couple of summres ago doesnt even offer it anymore...so my sis n i called a couple of dance places...i kinda wanna learn how to break but...thats kinda hard for a girl..haha u'd have to b krazy buff to b able to break...it doesnt hurt to try tho right? =P well if i dont break i'll prolly jus learn how to hip hop dance. sounds fun but i cant dance!! ahhh it'll b so embarassing to learn in front of these pro ppl haha. o well..its an experience right? =) damn..im getting a freakin B- in comp sci...=S man i thot it was an easy class with an easy A..haha i guess not..we're havin a test on while loops n i dont even UNDERSTAND anything! i hate my teacher dood...hez so...i dunno...he can't teach..he expects u to kno stuff cuz we're "honors" students. I talked to Jonathan on the fone for awhile today..but he's gone out to play tennis. I wonder where Jon is..and if he really exists..maybe he's really fake..but supposedly he's at Catalina Island right now..n hez comin back on Friday...haha I hope he's real tho cuz hez pretty cool...o well...actually..i think hez made up...o well..stupid serena hehehehe >=) hmm..TJ's not here..he might come later...haha I really hope he comes =) =) so many ppl to see over the summer...Joey promised he'd visit..but now he says he has too much college orientation stuf to go to so he might now..haha I've known him for forever too..hez supposed to come down with Steven Luc but I dunno..maybe I'll just go to the beach and meet up with them..since they go almost every weekend...i didnt get to see evelyn ngo...but she said she might come back on the 20th to visit if her mom lets...i really hope she does..shez so cool haha shez my booger buddy =) wow i havent written like a diary type thing for awhile n its pretty awesome..i kno im gonna write like crazy for the first couple of days..but after that...i'll write like once every 5 months or something haha. dammit no one to play SC with for now cuz everyones at water polo...hehe...angie wanted to play MO but first of all im stuck in the stupid mall n second of all her bf always kalls her wen we're about to play..so for now im on hold for 20 minutes while she flirts with her boy haha. well enuff for now..i might write later if i need to vent out my anger =P bye guys...